Comedians are damaged people just like everyone else. Only difference is, we know how to articulate our struggles in a way that makes others find pleasure in our pain. It's kind of a messed up gift, because you always have to reference the curse. Telling jokes is very therapeutic. Why pay to talk to a therapist when you can get paid to talk about your problems and maybe make someone else feel better about their own life?? That was my mission; to make others happy, with hopes of making myself happy in the process. For the most part, it's worked. I've had countless people tell me how much my style of comedy is relatable to their own lives. It's just me working through my problems on stage, and people are very receptive. I'm appreciative of that, but in the past couple of months, telling jokes hasn't been enough. My parents suffered through depression throughout their marriage. It was hard to see them unhappy, and I vowed that I would never go through that. Well, here I am, doing exactly what I said I wouldn't do. Working so hard to realize your dreams, while trying to take care of your family, is very taxing emotionally. And recently, I've experienced more losses than wins. Coupled with marital and financial problems, I was on the brink of a breakdown. I was missing gigs, lashing out at family, and being very unproductive. This is the most difficult stretch of my life. I've contemplated quitting comedy. I've contemplated divorce.
I've even contemplated suicide. Luckily for me, I have friends and family who have showed unconditional love and support. I've gotten words of encouragement from unlikely sources as well, which is just confirmation that I need to keep pushing forward. I'm also going to seek help for my issues that I've kept buried for such a long time. Black men are notorious for refusing help, especially for mental health issues such as depression. I'm officially swallowing my pride for my sake. For my family and friends who just see the good in me and want me to succeed. Things will get better, because I'm going to make things better. I hope and pray that this blog entry helps someone suffering through a similar issue.